THOMAS JOE PAYNE

OCTOBER 28, 1946 TO JUNE 21, 2025

BY NANCY PAYNE

Tom, my beloved husband of 32 years, left this earthly orb for higher ground early Saturday morning, June 21, 2025. He had been diagnosed with stage 4 Cancer in mid- May 2025. His first decision was to forgo chemo until a medical group from Hillcrest convinced him chemo might give him two more years of life. Instead, his first round of chemo was a death blow. This was the first time in the thirty-six years of knowing Tom that I ever saw him seriously ill. I was devastated and shocked. Shocked, because he spent his adult life tending to his health and well-being by working out three times a week, never smoking any kind of substance or sampling illegal drugs, as well as seldom needing prescription drugs. He kept his mind and conscious clear and strong by his daily habits and positive activities. He was not a religious man but his list of charitable organizations is a long one. Once, when I questioned him about his overly-abundant generosity, he quietly said, "You have to give back" and kept writing checks. If you would like to honor Tom by donating to any of these charities, the list is included On the last page of this document.

This man amazed me almost every day of our marriage with his self-discipline and his vast knowledge of myriad subjects on everything from all makes of automobiles since Henry Ford and their history to the names of the most obscure rare animals, insects, birds, reptiles, and aquatic creatures on Planet Earth. Also impressive was his ability to fix almost anything around the house by holding and studying the object for a few minutes to see how it was supposed to work. He would then go to the garage to get what he needed. Soon the object would be repaired good as new, while I sang off-key, "Did you ever know you are my hero"?

Tom was born to Betty Peercy Payne and Wayne Payne in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Survivors are his wife, Nancy Payne and her daughter, Gayla   d' Ann McMillin, his sister, Donna Pixley, and her sons, Sean and Ryan Pixley, and their wives and children. There are also many aunts, uncles, and cousins, scattered from California to Connecticut. His parents made a study of their ancestry and found the family was distantly related to Judy Woodward, the longtime anchor of PBS NEWS.

Tom's formal education came from Whittier Elementary, Cleveland Jr., Will Rogers High, and Tulsa University. At Whittier he joined Cub Scouts and played baseball. He continued with Boy Scouts at Cleveland Jr. and Will Rogers High and achieved Eagle Scout status, earning all the badges required. I am told that is a rigorous task and quite an accomplishment. Scouting stoked a love of nature that never left him. He continued the study of our world through subscriptions to NATURAL HISTORY, ARCHAEOLOGY, NATURE, THE SMITHSONIAN and watching all the nature documentaries on PBS/OETA. He was active in many high school organizations and activities. He played cornet and French horn, had his name in the Honor Society each year, reached Sharp Shooter status in the Rifle Club, and was a member of the Chess Club. While in high school and University, he diligently worked more than one job during the 24 hour period because his passion for cars implanted a strong desire for a Corvette. With determination and little sleep, he soon had his Corvette. He continued the work/ school schedule in order to trade-up for later models until he had his ultimate dream car. While a student in high school, he enjoyed cruising "The Restless Ribbon", so called, because of the multitude ofteens driving up and down Peoria Avenue, usually ending up at Pennington's Drive In, home ofthe Black-Bottom Pie and baskets of burgers and crispy shrimp with fries.

Tom also purchased a bright yellow Norton 900 motorcycle for solitary rides. His sister, Donna said he worked on and polished his vehicles constantly and woe to anyone who smeared the shine with fingerprints. It wasn't long after graduation from TU that he had a full-time job and that soon led to marriage and home buying. This turn of events somewhat tamed his vehicle choices to rides that were more practical and safe.

Tom earned a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree at the University of Tulsa focusing on the many facets of photography. Tom's acute attention to, and retention of, detail made him an award-winning photographer for life, featured in art galleries in the U.S. and Mexico. David Halpern, well-known photographer and author of TULSA ART DECO and many other books, who also served as The National Parks Artist-in-Resident 13 times, said of Tom, "He was an excellent photographer with a keen eye and perfect focus on the lighting." David and Tom traveled to many photo shoots across America and remained lifelong friends Tom also used his cameras to volunteer for art organizations' openings and live performance events throughout the years. His longest volunteer contribution was to Philbrook Museum for approximately 45 years of documenting the museum's archival exhibits.

In the 1980's Tom became interested in the popular movement of renovations of sturdy old structures into homes. While engaged to marry, He and I began a search that led us to the sale of an 18thcentury church built in Sand Springs by Charles Page that sat on a hill overlooking downtown Sand Springs. The sanctuary had a dome atop the approximately 30 foot roof, stained-glass windows, organ pipes, a choir loft, and a quantity of rich mahogany wood. An architect was hired and we became very excited about the plans. Tom was employed full-time by Bureau Veritas in Tulsa, a French company with over 100,000 employees globally and he travelled on business frequently. In spite of his full-load work week, he wanted to start the renovations himself. Friends and family pitched in to help. When the sanctuary was "wedding-ready", we were married with family and friends in attendance. My daughters, Gay and Cinda, walked me down the aisle to take the vows that Tom and I wrote. Following a honeymoon in Taos and Santa Fe, we continued the renovations while living in a portion of the basement we had created into a functional living space. Tom's favorite thing to do during rest time was go into the sanctuary, turn the stereo system blast high and listen to Beethoven, Bach, Mozart, Vivaldi, Chopin, Springsteen, Leonard Cohen, and Linda Ronstadt, et al, come aloud and alive with the acoustics provided by the high ceiling and large space.

It was great while it lasted, but we suddenly found this grand project was not to be. All our work and plans came to an abrupt end when I was diagnosed with a progressive spinal condition that made it impossible to navigate stairs. Sadly, we put our work-in-progress church on the market. It sold quickly. Life had other ideas for us.

We found our forever home in Tulsa- a 60's built house in Rustic Hills. The house and landscape needed some re-doing and that suited Tom just fine. He always liked to have a project going. I became even more impressed by his home maintenance knowledge and skills at construction, repair, and home and garden design. In a few years our garden was one of the locations for the ART IN THE GARDEN TOURS sponsored by Living Arts. Anything I could dream up on decor, he was able to do it perfectly. We had a fish pond with a waterfall installed and became so fond of our fish we actually named them. We spotted one with a red nose and he became "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Fish", shortened to" Rudy." When the son of Rudy emerged the following spring with the same red nose, he was called "Roody Toody." He liked to jump up high and dive into the waterfall and let it splash him back in the water. (Some fish just wanna have fun!) Now, you might ask, "How did we know these fish were male"? It was Tom's keen eye for detail, of course! He discerned that female fish were wider compared to the slimmer males. We filled our home and garden with art, some created by Tulsa artists, paintings and art objects from our travels, and all the comforts of home. That included entertaining friends and family with sit-down dinners and holiday celebrations. A favorite of friends was our
spring/summer garden margarita gatherings where Tom's "secret recipe", using mescal, wowed our guests. Family, friends, fun, laughter and music-all kinds of music-- were a big part of our lives.

There were times when current events were disturbing, and it seemed as if our world was spinning out of control. We would often be uneasy and bothered by the news of the day and Tom was totally disillusioned with the changes taking place in his lifelong political party. He began transcribing his disappointments to THE TULSA WORLD. His OP-EO letters became legendary and he received accolades from all over the state. The editor was also a fan, although she often had to temper some of his stronger descriptions, phrases, and complaints to make them more "politically correct" and suitable for the standards of the paper. That was a bit disappointing because the ousted comments were quite clever and at times, very funny.

Tom was most always a quiet, serious-minded and law-abiding citizen. Kidding around, I once asked him, "Surely, as a teen-ager, you committed some mildly unlawful act or defied your parents in some way, didn't you"? He hesitated. Finally, "I drove fast sometimes-over the speed limit". "How fast"? I asked and waited for him to say, "Oh, 10 or 15 miles over." Instead, he said, "Well, a few times, I outran the cops, turned down a side road, shut off my lights, and slipped into a driveway." My eyes opened wide and eyebrows raised high. So ... My quiet, well-mannered, currently law-abiding husband once got into that high-speed Corvette or on that Norton 900 bike and suddenly he was on a NASCAR racetrack? So, that's why he liked to watch the car races on Sunday afternoons. He was remembering "those good old days."

Tom will be missed by many. His close friendships were life-long. His words were true unless he was teasing someone in fun. His smile was genuine. His work was done with care and purpose and always well-done= or it was done again! His laugh could barely be heard but when his keen sense of humor came into play, he could have all of us laughing out loud.

Who was Tom Payne? A man unlike any other I have known. Not everyone was aware of all the aspects of his nature. He was a private individual, self-reliant, stoical, sagacious, humorous, and always with enigmatic elements in his character projection. I was witness to all his complexities and there were times his mood was aloof and distant. Over time I learned that people with high intellect and standards, plus acute sensibilities, usually have high expectations, quirks and moods that are their very own to deal with as they see fit. I learned to let him be. In doing so, I found that I too, needed quiet alone time. We each took a magazine quiz called "ARE YOU AUTISTIC?" According to the magazine, we both were in the spectrum. There were some days of total silence or just music with the exception of our 'Good Mornings" until it was time for the daily Happy Hour. That's when we tuned in to Alex Trebek's JEOPARDY, or the news, poured a glass of wine and dish of cashews. During commercials we caught up on chit chat and planned our dinner.

Here you have the Tom Payne I knew. My friend, my sweetheart, husband-- A Romantic who often brought me roses -but never on a birthday or Valentines' Day. Roses had to be a surprise when I opened the refrigerator. Valentines' Day was usually a trip to the warm beaches of Mexico and anniversaries called for champagne and exotic chocolates from exotic countries or dinner out.

Tom was also my Mentor who taught me so much about life and living it with grace and ease. He was a quiet voice to still the roar everywhere else. In his later years, he was my loving, kind and patient care taker.

The intense grief of this transcendent loss will eventually become a soft ache that will bring me sweet memories of the most exciting and fun, loving, educational, peaceful, serene and happiest 36 years of my entire life. Tom Payne will always have my thanks, respect, admiration, honor, and love. Always.

Donations can be made to:

Wounded Warrior Project, Living Arts of Tulsa, The Sun Magazine, Philbrook Museum of Art, Gilcrease Museum, Circle Cinema Theater, Tulsa Artists' Coalition, American Civil Liberties Union